Carbon Bob: Can he fix it?

I mean, take environmental progressive Bob.  Bob's a model citizen and busy man trying to save the world from the hundreds of big bad carbon polluters required by law to report their environmental vandalism to the government.

He starts by using his mobile phone as an alarm clock in his Canberra bedroom.  (Telstra:  emissions of 1.43 million tonnes CO₂ in 2009-10).  It's cold this morning, so Bob's gotta have an environmentally considerate 4 minute shower to get clean and warm for the trip up the hill (ACTEW Corporation:  219,000t CO₂).

And that lentil stew from last night didn't sit right in his stomach (Kimberly Clark Pacific Holdings Pty Ltd:  370,000t CO₂).

He has baked beans (Heinz Watties:  90,000t CO₂) on toast and a coffee (Nestle Australia Ltd:  208,000t CO₂) with a dash of milk (Murray Goulburn Co-operative Co Limited:  638,000t CO₂) while reading his favoured Sydney Morning Herald and The Age online (Fairfax Media Limited:  97,200t CO₂).

He resents the fact that he needs to read The Daily Telegraph and The Australian (News Australia Holdings Pty Ltd:  128,100t CO₂) to see how the enemies of the future are justifying the raping of the planet.  But it's all part of Bob's job.

It's actually too cold to walk to work today so he gets picked up by his chauffeur-driven Prius (Toyota Motor Corp:  170,261t CO₂ and Caltex Australia:  2.1 million t CO₂) to the big doors on one of the four sides of his office building.

After some early media commitments about how only he can be trusted to save the planet, Bob hosts morning tea with staff.

It's Christine's birthday so there are some celebratory Arrowroot biscuits (Arnotts Biscuits Holdings:  91,000t CO₂) bought from a local supermarket (Woolworths Ltd:  2.8 million t CO₂) and cheese (Bega Cheese Ltd:  136,223t CO₂) bought from Coles (Wesfarmers Ltd:  5.2 million t CO₂) at the nearby Woden shopping centre (Westfield Holdings Limited:  339,000t CO₂).

Bob doesn't like tea so he sips from a Diet Coke (Coca Cola Amatil:  185,396t CO₂) from his big leathery, Australian-made chair.

And the regularly hazed non-vegan staff member eats his cold cuts (Nippon Meat Packers:  113,257t CO₂) from another local store (Aldi Stores:  172,987t CO₂) in the dunce's corner.

After morning tea, his staff make arrangements for a business class flight to Sydney Airport (Qantas:  4.18 million t CO₂ and Southern Cross Airports Corporation Holdings:  92,935t CO₂) with a donor who'll pay for TV ads before taking another flight (Virgin Blue Holdings Ltd:  1.74 million t CO₂) to Melbourne.

In Melbourne he's the guest of honour at a cocktail party with green carbon investors including representatives from banks (Westpac:  194,300t CO₂), National Australia Bank (158,268t CO₂) and other investors (Macquarie Group Limited:  98,347t CO₂ and AMP 180,458t CO₂).

Those at the function help themselves to the beer (Lion Nathan National Foods:  391,949t CO₂), Pinot Gris (Fosters Group:  233,899t CO₂), and delicious chicken bites (Baiada Pty Limited:  305,049t CO₂).

But being environmentally conscious Bob prefers a soy yoghurt (Parmalat Australia Ltd:  103,390t CO₂) and tap water (Melbourne Water Corporation:  420,035t CO₂).

Bob gives an inspiring address about the importance of cutting global carbon emissions to a standing ovation from the supportive university faculty members (University of Melbourne:  135,493t CO₂) also in attendance.

He just hopes he was convincing while he wipes sweat from his brow (SCA Tissue Australia Pty Limited:  226,592t CO₂) because the lights were bright and the room was hot because the air-conditioning was a little too low (Origin Energy:  1.926 million t CO₂).

It's been a long day so Bob gets frustrated that his trip to the hotel (Mirvac Ltd:  246,707t CO₂) in a Holden Statesman (General Motors:  150,813t CO₂) is delayed, but was relieved to see the traffic jam was caused by an ambulance taking an accident victim to a nearby hospital (Ramsay Health Care:  166,330t CO₂).

The day ends where it started -- in a hotel room where he boots up his notebook (IBM A/NZ Holdings:  99,927t CO₂) and sends some emails, including one about a direct mail (Australian Postal Corporation:  309,999t CO₂) to his supporters.

Some dedicated volunteers drop by to discuss a forthcoming protest march against big polluters and order Domino's vegetarian pizza (Competitive Foods Australia:  142,187t CO₂) before then they realise there's a 24 hour ''restaurant'' serving fish burgers downstairs and go there (McDonald's Australia:  131,862t CO₂) as they leave Bob's room for the night.

Finally Bob's alone and can go to bed after a productive day realising he's part of the greenhouse gas solution, while the big bad polluters remain the problem.